She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
