Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
