Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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