and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
