He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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