he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
