its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
