once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
