Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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