i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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