the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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