Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So much rum. So many feels.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
