Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
