I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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