Swine flu is the new snow day.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
