So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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