when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
