It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
