butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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