If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
