So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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