yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
