So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wish my penis had a tongue
love makes seman taste better
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
