Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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