I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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