You really coming over, don't trick.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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