Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
