if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
