I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
