After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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