Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
