if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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