With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
