this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
