we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
