beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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