bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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