Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
