tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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