He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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