Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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