I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
