When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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