So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
