i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
