shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
