Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
