I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
