After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
