The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
