Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
