omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
