it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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