Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
