Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
