im six kinds of drunk right now
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
